Stop Being Scared Of Valentine’s Day
So Shae Lisa Jackson and I decided to collaborate on a Valentine’s Day project. Seeing as how single life on this special holiday has insinuated that both of us should feel a certain way, we’ve decided to take the high road and create some art! Be sure to check out her stuff on YouTube and her corresponding post to this one to get the full effect!
A Message To My Single Brothers This Valentine’s Day
Full disclaimer. I’m single. For some reason I rather like Valentine’s Day. It does strike me as odd that if a date lands on a specific time of year, we have to up the romance and double up on the flowers and chocolates but I don’t mind. I’ve always been a mush; A graduate from Corey and Topanga’s school of Boy Meets World.
Even though said “World” has consistently shown me that dating is nothing like the Matthews, and that you can only bring a girl to ‘Chubbies’ (the local BMW hang out) so many times, I still believe in love. And maybe that’s what Valentine’s Day is for. It’s to remind us of that serendipitous nature of the human spirit.
I was standing campfire-side with an old friend of mine last night when he started spewing to me about his reluctance towards God and Marriage. They’re one in the same, I thought to myself. But instead I answered with whit; “Want me to help you go ring shopping?”
He and his girlfriend of 8 years had been having talks about what to name their non-existent child and when I pressed the question deeper he responded:
“Nah, we’re not thinking of that yet. Well, I’m not. It’s just, that feeling of not knowing! Like I don’t know how you do it with God, Angel. How you can just know? That’s what’s stopping me with this. Girls love to talk about ‘the one’ and just knowing that he’s it. I can’t do that. I’m more practical! Do you think there’s the one?”
We’ll call him Chaz.
Chaz answers as he gulps down a Yuengling in the cold standing next to the fire: “So then how can someone know if they’re ready to get married? That doesn’t make sense to me!”
Me: “I’d kinda like to see it as I’m ready to say no to every single other girl on earth. If I feel like I could easily say no to anyone else to be with her. Then she’s the one. But really We get to choose!”
Chaz: Sip,* “So then there’s no the one?! Some big cosmic significance that aligns to people that are made for each other? I can’t get through that. I feel like what you’re saying is more realistic.”
Me: I think the cosmic significance is God saying you’ve chosen to say no to everyone else and you’ve picked her above everyone else. There’s the beauty in picking each other that is so much bigger than random elements magnetizing two humans together through like, ‘the universe’ or ‘destiny’.”
Chaz: *Sips *puffs, “I like that.”
Me: “When are we going ring shopping?”
I’ve spoken to a lot of gentlemen whose problem with commitment comes with the idea of ‘the one’, and days like Valentine’s don’t help.
For me Valentine’s Day is just another day, but culturally it does have some significance. We can get into all of the meanings that the day has or whether or not it is pagan, but the simple fact of the matter is that our society has chosen to celebrate love that day.
So I want to do the same thing. But I want to do it correctly.
If I am single, the last thing that I want to do is celebrate a day with someone I am meeting for the first time in hopes that something will develop. There are numerous reasons I wouldn’t
The added pressure of this day will make this girl see things in you that will make you seem like Denzel. But unfortunately, those will evaporate after a few weeks. On the flipside, it might make me as a guy, feel ways about this girl that I would have never felt if this was coffee on a Tuesday.
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
A first date on a day dedicated to love is too much emotional investment. Someone will get hurt. Even though us as gentlemen would like to believe it isn’t us, it might be. The movies, the decorations, the snow that both of you swear is a sign from God that you should be together. Save everyone involved and start by getting to know her in a much less intimate way.
SECOND, AT BEST
What will Valentines Day mean when you actually do have a meaningful relationship? If you take one time dates out on this holiday, it will dilute the experience for your real relationships in the future. No girl wants to be the second girl you brought to your favorite spot.
LEAVE IT TO THE PROS
Do yourself a favor and watch some Man Vs. Wild, listen to the Angel Rants podcast, or go on a road trip. But leave Valentines Day to the people who actually have something to celebrate. Marriages, anniversaries newlyweds, decades with children. Dayyyyyummmmm that’s love!
And trust me, I am speaking to myself.
If you’re single, you have the time to sit back and ignore this amazing holiday. But it’s all preparation to learn how to make it special for the woman who will make you want to say no to every other girl on earth. See that as a privilege. Not as some mundane yearly ritual with a baby in a blanket shooting arrows.
Sure, the holiday itself is a little creepy, but bro…get over yourself and make that girl happy if you got her. Just as you got her you could lose her, and perspective is very important. Sitting from the perspective of a single man…you should be bending over backwards trying to outdo yourselves every Valentine’s Day. Stop with this “every day is Valentine’s Day” thing. She doesn’t believe it and neither do you.