An Open Letter to Jesus: From a New Christian
Ok I gotta admit it, I didn’t think you were out there. I don’t know how many times I’ve cursed you out in my car and you just stayed quiet. I still don’t get why you do that. You give me these butterflies in my stomach when someone says your name, Jesus. And while the preacher is talking about the stuff you did I can’t help but think about how different you are from what I’ve learned. Or been taught. Or decided you were.
Anyway, I know you’re listening now. You proved that to me when I woke up from that hospital bed after 5 seizures in a row and dialysis.
Not to mention my mushroom trip, 3 L’s and a 40oz.
Am I even allowed to tell you that stuff?
How does this whole prayer thing work? Do I call you Lord? I’ve heard people do that, but I feel like you and me are too cool for that. Maybe that’s just all the Beatles music I listen to.
I don’t care. I’m just gonna write and I’ll see what sticks.
People keep telling me I have a “calling”. That I have a “testimony”. Whatever the hell that means. What I’m thinking is that you’ve got something planned for my life. And to be honest, I hope so, cuz I’m pretty done with this thing man…I mean Lord. Ugh. Look, Whatever it is that you’ve got for me, I’m ready. I don’t want to look back at 60 years old and think about how I got to bro out through my twenties and accidently got some chick pregnant, settled down with her and half assed it through my life.
-The Khacki Shorts
-The Dad Bod(ok well that one’s inevitable)
I need to look back and know that I pursued a dream, I need to look back and know I took risks. That I stood for something. That I didn’t ass backwards into anything! That I was a man. Not a boy. If what you have for me is that…then I’m in man….dammit!..I mean, Lord. I’m in.
I’m writing this because I want to show you, I’m changing. I can’t be hypocritical. I don’t wanna be that kinda Christian. The other day I went to [omit name]’s house after [omit name 2]’s birthday, and as they start to pass me the blunt she goes
“Oh, the Christian’s in on the blunt!”
I nearly died of shame, Lord! I wanted to implode of embarrassment! I saw myself for who I really was. A hypocrite. I was talking to them about you a little bit and I blew it! I made you look bad. I don’t know what you’d have to say about that but it didn’t feel good. That was punishment enough for me. How was I going to keep going to clubs with [omit name 2], smoke with [omit name] and still change my life for you? I guess I feel like even though I go way back with them and I just met you, You’ve done more for me already.
Specially considering that you made me…and come to think of it you made them too!
I wasn’t gonna be that anymore. I decided right then and there to never smoke again (I need your help with that by the way). Sooo….as soon as I finished that blunt and had a Newport cuz..duh.. I swore off of it.
But I’m no hypocrite! At least I don’t wanna be.
I’m not gonna be one of those people, Lord. I can’t be. It’s not easy but if what these people are telling me is true, if what your bible says is true, then I’m going all in. And the deeper I get the more I’ll know you, and I’m assuming the more we will be talking. And hopefully, I’ll look back one day and say to myself wow, I can’t believe I am this close to God. I can’t believe my life has changed this much just because of one decision. There’s so much I don’t know, and I can’t wait to learn. But there’s no one I’d rather learn it from.
So I’ll take my sins, my baggage, my bad habits, and all of my current skeletons (you know what I mean) and bring them to you, in hopes that you’ll take them and exchange them for a better life. I don’t know if that’s how it works, all I know is that I’m giving you my life as it is. What you do with it, Lord…is up to you.