If You Love Them, Why Do You Have an Exit Plan?
One thing I never understood about marriage was a prenup. Call me naive since I’m not married. Call me a bone head because I’m young. But going into a marriage saying: “Look honey, I know I’m rich, and I know we love each other, but juuuuuust in case crap hits the fan, I want a refund.” just seems disingenuous.
Now I’m not totally ignorant. I understand the complexities that come along with money and the things that warrant caution. But if we’re feeling that cautious, should we really be marrying each other? I don’t think theres any room for that kind of doubt. The kind that allows a back door out of the relationship. This is why my generation has found it so easy to toss out the construct of marriage. Because we find wives and husbands dispensable!
I think it’s fair to talk about the what if’s. What if someone screws someone over badly. And I understand that, but I think there’s due process for that. There are laws for it. And a lack of a prenup would probably incentivize otherwise, huh? I’d hope that wouldn’t be the main incentive but anyway…
We go into the “If it doesn’t work out…” mentality almost instantly after the engagement, as if it’s a natural process when it really isn’t. Its an unhealthy longing to not commit. To stop ourselves from having to say yes to one person forever. It could also be deeper. Our culture has given us access to so much, but taken away the few things that matter. The need for commitment no longer carries into your home-life. It’s completely expected of you at work, in your career, even in fitness or playing Pokemon! But in your love life, commitment seems to almost be a drastic thing that is looked at as some major accomplishment.
It’s funny, I have friends who are great fathers and husbands! And I want to tell them all the time! Just like one day I want to be told. But just a little part of me, a teenie tiny part of me, just for the sake of society wants to be like: “What do you want a cookie? That’s what we’re supposed to do!” I want to normalize good fathers and husbands a bit. Cuz things are getting nuts!
This idea I hear all the time from people saying “monogamy is just not natural” (mocking a scientist voice) is really just pseudo-intellectual rhetoric for “I’m afraid of somebody really getting to know me with all of my flaws.”
Because that’s what monogamy does. It’s deep love. It puts a mirror in your face, and when we see each others flaws and still have to stay together because we haven’t developed an exit plan…WE ONLY HAVE 2 OPTIONS:
1. FIND A SOLUTION WITH THE PERSON WE INITIALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH
2. LIVE THE REST OF OUR LIVES MISERABLE
Which one is more beneficial?? Obviously the first. But facing our problems will only strengthen us in all areas. If we continue developing an initial exit strategy, then we never get to that strength and we call it quits before we get to see our greatness manifest. Before we get to see how amazing that marriage could have been.
I’ve witnessed marriages fall short, I’ve witnessed marriages that persisted past their rock bottom. The defining factor was the exit strategy. Some had it in mind that it was a possibility. The others knew deep down it was impossible to quit. There was no quit in them. All they knew through the trouble was that somehow WE have to get through this. Kicking and screaming, fighting and pouting, smiling and making love, with kids and broke, homeless and happy, they made it through. Without an exit strategy.