I’m Still Not Sure If I Want That Jay-Z and Bey or Barack and Michelle Type Love
As a man in my twenties, there’s a lot of talk about marriage. I have a lot of married friends, engaged friends, friends having babies etc. My social media timeline is pretty much scripture, Gary Vee, babies and you cute couples that make me want to puke. Love is delicate thing, and if I don’t go into the next phase of my life with a clear idea of what I want, I could end up hurt, misguided or living in regret. All those things are poison.
I find myself in conversations with married friends thinking about what I actually need in a spouse. I’m not actually in a place to date anyone, but when I am, what kind of woman am I looking for?
(Disclaimer) Reference to these people are metaphorical and only based on their relationships.
Jay-Z & Beyonce
Right now it’s all over the place. “Find someone who helps you hustle!” or “Love someone who loves the game like you!” or my personal favorite “Dual income is in style.”. I have to admit, the idea of dating someone with goals, dreams and aspirations similar to mine sounds exhilarating! We could jet set the world, pick up and move whenever we needed to, find ways to start new businesses and be each other’s best business partners.
But the business world has no room for emotions, and mixing a relationship with it may look great on Jay & Bey, but it is a huge burden. Even if I do want the entrepreneurial woman, odds are that means less time for us, our relationship, and more compromise. It’s only fair and who am I to say that she should do anything but follow her dreams?
The dynamic of the Jay & Bey relationship is one that I was always seeking. A strong, independant woman who has her entire life planned out! But here’s the problem with that…there’s no room for me.
I’ve felt selfish in retrospect looking at some of my past relationships because I’ve wanted something she couldn’t give me. Her dreams. The dynamic of the Jay & Bey relationship is one that I was always seeking. A strong, independant woman who has her entire life planned out! But here’s the problem with that…there’s no room for me. Instead of dating someone who was already like a metaphorical Beyonce, I would try to change her to be Yonce (see what I did there?). But the problem is that you never fall in love that way, you fall in love with someone’s potential instead of the real person.
There’s nothing wrong with the Beyonce-like girl, but I can’t help but wonder what life is like when business makes it’s way into the bedroom. Some say it’s sexy, others say it’s divisive. I guess it depends on both of you. And therein lies the problem. You have to be on the same page 100% of the time or else things won’t work.
Make sure you’re on the same page about business decision x, business decision y, relationship decision a, etc. If we aren’t in agreement on all of those things, then eventually it will take a toll. I don’t know if I’m up for that.
I’m getting the feeling that I love the idea of a running mate, a right hand lady, the co-headliner to my world tour; but what I want in reality is someone to be there when I need a break from the tour. To be on the tour bus with me, reminding me why I do this and assuring me that we will have a home to go back to at the end of it all.
Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential instead of the real person.
Barack & Michelle Obama
Michelle is by no stretch of the imagination a subservient or passive woman. She is an icon and a powerful woman. Barack and I have our disagreements, but I’ll put those aside for the sake of the analogy (and take it up with him personally at lunch tomorrow). The Obamas run together just like Jay & Bey but unlike them, The Obamas are running toward one goal. They don’t have two separate brands. They gladly, wholeheartedly, unite to be one.
Michelle has her own dreams, ambitions and aspirations; she knows what she wants. But when it comes time to be there for Barack she is there for him instantly. I’m curious to know the dynamic of what it must be like when the four of them hang out; but there is always a piece of me that is partial for the type of relationship that leaves the running to Barack.
It’s not an easy task, it’s not a mandatory one, it’s just a personal preference. And although I like the allure of marrying my own personal Beyonce, who has the spotlight on her, and standing side by side with her as we achieve greatness together; I’d much rather have a Michelle. Someone who stands in tears as she listens to my words while knowing she did everything to make our job incredible as we leave office. Loved, respected, embraced by everyone.
She’s not in second place, she’s the coach of the team. She understands the importance of peace and teamwork. In her own words, “whoever I married would have been President of the U.S”. Because she is that much of a pillar.
This Just Hit Me
I didn’t know where I was gonna end up when I started writing this. It coulda been the wild jetset life with a Beyonce-like wife, or the purpose filled family life, spent changing how people see themselves and the world with “Michelle”. But one thing I’ve realized is that I don’t think we can have it all. A lot of the fellas I know fall into a sort of mind trap that sets their sights on the Beyonce’s of the world and expects them to turn into Michelles.
A lot of the fellas I know fall into a sort of mind trap that sets their sights on the Beyonce’s of the world and expects them to turn into Michelles.
That’s not fair to anyone involved. I don’t think we should date anyone with the hopes of who they could be one day. I say this as a single person, with many married friends. I hope to love someone completely one day. But not for who they might be, I hope to love them for who they are right now; with flaws and all.
There is nothing wrong with either of these relationships, it’s all about knowing what you want ahead of time. I still don’t know if I want a relationship with a business partner or a coach and that’s okay! As long as I’m willing to wait until I know to start dating. And as long as I don’t pull somebody into my mess, trying to figure out my own confusion, I think I will be okay.
What do you think? If you’re a guy, do you know what you want out of your relationship? If so what is it? If you’re a girl; how do you feel about the characterization of these two?