Finding the One: How to Prepare for the Girl of Your Dreams
We all want our soul mate. Our one true love. The person who God destined for us to spend the rest of our lives with, doing life, advancing His Kingdom. We can’t wait until God reveals this person to us, She will light up the room when she walks in–everything else will fade to black and white slow motion pixels, and we will be caught at eyes length. Staring at our one. true. lo—–okay I can’t do this anymore I feel like Nicholas Sparks (the author of the Notebook for all you bros).
Love is a universal feeling and something we all deserve. So it is easy to see why we have succumb to Hollywoods definition of it, even in church culture. ‘The One’ is a concept which Hollywood uses time and time again for tearjerking crescendos to mediocre movies which hold no basis in God’s character (even though people will tell you I LOVE those movies).
The idea of ‘the one’ actually holds it’s roots in Greek Mythology. When Zeus and the gods of Greece were not receiving enough worship from the 4 armed, 4 legged people of the land, he decided to rip them in half and cast them to opposite sides of the world. Forever doomed to search the world for their missing half; your soul mate.
So your ‘soul mate’ is the result of a mythological curse. Not a blessing from God. But, I don’t want to be a negative Ned about this whole thing so men, instead of searching for the one, lets try becoming the right one. This way, when you see the woman you could never live without, who would be the perfect for lunch dates with friends and a Euro-trip to preach the Gospel, you won’t mess it up!
So here are my tips on how to prepare yourself for a relationship:
Be a Christian
A big part of the problem in Christian dating scenes that I’ve witnessed is that the guys are afraid to say something, and girls get tired of waiting. So girls look elsewhere. Girls, just to be clear I am not condoning this, to be in the lord is to seek the kingdom above all and to not make searching for someone to date an idol in itself.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.””
So men, build up that Old Testament courage, put on your best sandals and put a sword at your side (metaphorically speaking for pete’s sake!), walk right up to her and begin a normal conversation!
We live in a culture that says men shouldn’t have to make the first move but we are not of this culture we are of a kingdom culture and as MEN not boys, we should think that way. In scripture God meets His Church. He ravishes us, He comes to us, He gives his life for us (okay thats a bit much we’re only talkin coffee, maybe some panera). But you understand what I mean. We are given the authority to lead as Christian men, and some mistake that to mean being a dictator. This means we should lead as Christ lead us, with gentleness, humility, wisdom, and truth IN LOVE! My point is that when all of those characteristics are imbedded in us, making the first move will come naturally, from a place of leadership.
Be a Leader
This doesn’t mean you have to be like, a pastor or something. But learning to lead yourself before bringing someone else into your junk is essential. Why else would a woman who serves the God of the universe even give you a second glance?
Being a leader means you conduct your own spiritual and daily life as someone who loves Jesus on your own. No one has to force you to read your scriptures and pay your bills because you want to know what God says about you and you know one of the things God says is:
“The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.” Proverbs 22:7
This doesn’t mean you gotta be King David. This just means you gotta be David the shepherd. Who defeated Goliath and worships The Lord with all his might. Its about the direction your going in. Have some vision men.
Learn from mentors and accountability partners everything you can about what scripture says in context to purity, holiness, honoring a person, covenant and promises. But do it for you and for your growth with the Lord not just to get a girlfriend (I saw you checking out the way that girl was praying dude).
Now that you checked her out. Let her know. The problems we face as men of faith is that we feel politeness and charisma are opposites and we can’t approach the girl we like and talk to her because it will be a sin. Or on the opposite side of the spectrum, we are so stuck in the worlds customs we like to play the “let’s see where this goes” game and hang out with numerous girls until one calls our attention enough to stick with them.
This is not only dangerous but it is blasphemous. If the relationship between God and His Church is supposed to reflect a wedding, would He, in the process of courting us wander around making sure there was no one else that could offer Him better “chemistry” or “attraction”?
Likewise is it with men and women. There is a Bob Marley quote that I love.
“When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.”
Totally kidding. Not that one. It’s been like 5 years for me and I’m not going back! I mean this one, okay!
“The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her.”
The beginning of the article talked about guys being scared to say something. This is what I mean, my rule of thumb is that whoever you are looking to pursue, she should never have to question what stage your friendship/relationship is in. I am not telling you to be weird and ultra communicative, but make sure you both understand that this road is leading somewhere up front. If not, you are both wasting your time.
Love is a natural part of life, and it is natural to want to be with someone. Being honest with ourselves and allowing ourselves to grow where needed before there is even a prospect for someone new to come into the picture is a sure-fire way to begin a loving and flourishing relationship. We all need to work on ourselves constantly and no one is an exception, but that is the beauty of life, as you meet someone and God begins to work in your lives together, you will begin to see that the work you put in was much needed and well appreciated.
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