Hook-Up Culture: Why One Night Stands Are More Damaging Than You Think
You swiped right, chatted up this girl, met with her at ‘Teak’, bought her 3 rum & cokes and now its off to your house where smooth music and dim lighting will do the trick.
Or maybe you decided that you would finally ask out that girl you’ve been flirting with forever. You know, that girl that pops into your head when you listen to Drake. That girl.
Or is it the effortless chemistry that happens between you and the charming girl at the rooftop bar that wins you over with witty banter and irresistible elegance?
All the same, the moment has come and gone, morning is here and you have a decision to make. Should I stay or should i go? (bad impression of the clash)
In the last 15-20 years our culture has developed a system via movies, sitcoms mostly..oh, and pop music videos of how to accomplish a one night stand. Giving us a depiction of them being funny and quirky when in reality they can feel degrading and unsafe. As jaded as we have become we have forgotten some fundamental values behind the sport of sex. Some key components that go along with sex for fun. I will run through those for you and talk about why one night stands are more damaging than we think.
There are the obvious realities that go along with sex like catching something from your partner, duh. Which can be prevented to a degree. But only to a degree. Cuz lets face it, you guys are like little animals.
Let’s not pretend people don’t catch feelings, like we can compartmentalize our hearts and turn off our feel factor. Even the most numb of people still develop attachment to the person they sleep with every time. It is in our biological make-up to do so. It’s not just a physical connection with a woman, but a biological one.
3. STRANGER DANGER
Once you’re alone with this random person, (yes even you guys) you have no idea what could happen! There is a huge risk of anything going wrong when you’re with a stranger in their house.
Now to direct my attention mainly at girls, although I won’t be sexclusionary (I just made up that word). When you’re alone with someone and getting physical, there’s no one there to protect you if you say no and they don’t listen. There is great wisdom in avoiding these situations altogether.
5. HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER…
Back to the guys. If this girl ends up being the one…What will the story of how you met look like?
6. SHE COLD
That awkward moment when she doesn’t call. Ugh! Why! 2 days pass, 3 days, 3 weeks! Then you see her at the same bar and she acts like she doesn’t know you and gives you a cold half broken smile when you say hello.
7. YOU COLD
Or maybe she won’t leave, she calls every day, sets up lunch dates, brings you coffees to work, writes on your Facebook wall (Who even does that anymore?) and you’re left with the daunting task of breaking up with someone who you were never dating, or going ghost. Either way, you’re the jerk, right? And either way my friend, the one night stand ends in heart break.
Skipping to the end of the love story is a short cut and can cause a huge chunk of heartbreak, even if we don’t know the person. The emotional damage alone done by a one nighter can be quite daunting. It effects our way of being and even causes bitterness, regret and shame. It can even cause turmoil and strife in later relationships. Theres a famous quote that I have grown to love dearly, and I don’t necessarily dig the source but it is relevant.
“If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it” -Beyonce
Listen to Queen Bey everyone.
What do you think? Did I miss anything? What are the downfalls of one night stands to you? Comment below and let me know!
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