Gentlemen, Man Up; Get Single.
*Full Disclosure* I am not encouraging men to break up with their girlfriends to be single.
I feel the need to express this warning since my generation seems to generally be looking for any silly excuse to be released back into the wild as if monogamy is some sort of caged cruelty. A deranged counter-productive ideology that holds back the human expression of sexual flourishing. NONSENSE! Human sexuality is an art form. When it’s sought after in marriage; it’s perfect and in its beautifully crafted by a Divine God.
I stand in the gap for millennial men.
In an age where men seem to be taking to the watering hole (bar) to scope out their next prospective relationship I introduce to you a new breed of man. One that chooses to remain single.
The Single History
Not for the cliche reasons like “I just need to find myself” or “I just need some time”, but maybe for the benefit of the woman he will one day marry? My generation seems to step into relationships for a very different reason than people did a few generations ago. In the 50’s it was practical. It was how things went. Women married men, you had kids, you moved to the country, you bought a house. This was how it was.
Nowadays it’s more of a self-fulfilling spiritual thing. “I need someone who makes me happy. Who understands me. Who makes my life better.” And while all of that is nice, it becomes problematic when you look to someone else to validate your life. When God has designed us to have fullness in Him alone, chasing a relationship to fill us becomes an idol.
Men in particular can be the worst idol to have, because we can be the best actors. (that’s not a compliment) Men who step into relationships with women who are looking to settle down, only to realize they are just as broken and unwilling to give her what she wants are not men at all, but boys in search of manhood. The alternative is simple. Stay out of relationships until you are ready for a committed one, sir.
In the process of becoming a man, there are a few things that are universal. One is that God is real whether you believe in Him or not. Another is that your actions effect other people. As a man, I’ve realized that every time you mess up; someone else gets hurt. I’d rather not do that, leaving a trail of broken people.
This extends far beyond the scope of intimacy and into practicality in relationships. If we as men have nothing to offer the women we date, we have no business dating. The importance of being a provider and earning our keep as men is not to prove some chauvinistic gender norm, but to assume chivalry and safety for your future family. Regardless of the woman you date, your mission in life is to prepare for your future family; and if you haven’t begun to invest in yourself already, why would she expect you to invest in “us”? And why should she stick around and wait for you to have some big revelation?
This assumes the singleness proposal. Men who understand the power of investing in themselves before seeking a relationship will see that relationship play out a whole lot better when the time comes. I am not saying that men have nothing to offer besides money, what I am saying is that men should be willing to go through a process before assuming they are ready to date.
You have a big part here as well. As much as I’d love to say that the men I look to help out will automatically follow this advice and all of the sudden we will have tons of well rounded, successful family guys who love God; there is something I need you to do. STOP giving the other guys a chance. Stop giving the guys who are undeserving of your love and beauty a chance. That includes me, my old self and much of my generation.
The problem we have is that as many men try to fix themselves, many ladies seem to be okay with a lack of substance. A lack of well-roundedness; until it’s too late. Until you’re five years into a relationship and he’s not putting a ring on it. Until you’re moving in with him and find out he’s cheating and realize that’s why he didn’t propose.
Demand responsibility ladies. Don’t make excuses for boyhood. Be picky about character not vanity. Be picky about his morals. Be picky about his substance. Check his browser history. (not even kidding) You want a man. Not a boy masquerading a man because he has a big boy job.
The Singleness Proposal
So men, join me in taking the Singleness Proposal (unless you’re not single, then you gotta get to work my dude) and start working towards becoming a man of integrity, willing to go through a process before roping in a nice young lady.
I _______ aim to attain the best version of myself. To grow and expand into new levels of wisdom every day. Finding greater depth in my spirituality and relationship with God, discovering learned behavior that is keeping me from my purpose. I look to find the root of all my vices and stop them not by sin suppression but by character development. Through prayer and supplication. And I chose to acknowledge my role as a man, providing for my future generations and future wife. Not only with financial provision; but with emotional, spiritual and physical provision.
Sign here in blood.